No Designation

Bilerico Backposts: This was originally posted to Bilerico March 30th, 2009

http://www.bilerico.com/2009/03/erotica_trans_embroidery.php

Some readers might remember I had promised a follow up to my Porn For Education post that would go into the details of my more recent work in video. With everything going on this week, I’ve had to put it off, and a couple of submission deadlines next week might delay me even further.

In the meantime, I thought I’d share with you something fun. You may have wondered at some point, what activist pornographers do in their free time. This one at least, does embroidery — Although only one of the two completed projects I’m sharing here are erotic, I’m going to warn that these images may not be safe for work.

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Bilerico Back-Posts: This was originally posted to Bilerico Feb 7th, 2009. http://www.bilerico.com/2009/02/abstinence_is_not_100_safe.php

I taught peer sex ed in high school. It was one of the most progressive sex ed courses in the area, covering queer people, healthy relationships, and setting and asserting boundaries. But despite being a comprehensive (i.e. abstinence-based while still teaching condoms) program, there were several restrictions that made it less than ideal.

For one, every time we said “use a condom,” we were required to follow it up with “but abstinence is the only 100% safe method to prevent pregnancy.” So I prepped my younger brother’s friend to take advantage of the pre-programmed responses.

When he heard such a statement, he would reply, “So if my boyfriend and I had sex, would he get pregnant or would I?”

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On Monday morning February 1st, janitorial staff at the University of Oregon discovered the Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender, Queer Alliance had been broken into computer screens and the TV were spray painted over and a swastika had been spray painted on the carpet. Being former staff at the student organization, myself, I was one of the many people deeply impacted.

Students responded by swiftly organizing a series of rallies. Only one day after the vandalism was discovered, 300 community members turned out for a vigil and speakout – an impressive number considering Eugene’s relatively small size. Many community members came up to the mike to speak, including the mayor.

What have I been up to?

With only three posts in 2009, it makes sense to begin the re-launch of my blog with a little bit about what I have been doing in the past year. To begin with, in March I became one of COLAGE’s board co-chairs and in October, I became the chair. That has been taking up a big chunk of my time.

Additionally, I’ve been working on getting some of my writing published in the dead tree media and made my way into three books this past year! My essay “Race Relations in the Family” is about my personal experience being a person of color raised by white lesbians and examines larger issues of transracial adoption in the LGB/Queer community and it is in the anthology Who’s Your Daddy: and Other Writings on Queer Parenting. Another essay titled “Donor Mom” is in And Baby Makes More: Known Donors, Queer Parents, and Our Unexpected Families where I discuss my relationship to my sperm donor growing up as well as my decision to become a donor myself. Finally, “Self Reflection” in Best Lesbian Erotica 2010 poses an interesting story when a young trans woman who identifies as non-op meets a time traveling future version of herself who is post-op. All three, as well as the two other books I’ve been in, are available in a handy dandy amazon.com widget at the bottom of the sidebar. Although I get a minor referral fee when you purchase through the link, I won’t mind at all if you order the books through your local bookstore instead.

I’ve dedicated a huge amount of my time this year to a certain video project some of you may know about which has faced set back after set back. With luck, I hope to wrap things up in the next month or so — in which case I will unveil it here you will all get to hear about the in detail.

Late summer/early fall, I decided to migrate this blog to it’s own domain name and revamp the design. It’s taken quite a bit more technical learning then I had expected, and while I was working on it I decided to stop updating here. However, I also didn’t entirely stop blogging. I’ve recieved a paying writing gig from Eden Fantasy’s online sex magazine, SexIs — you can see they are also paying for an ad on the sidebar of this site. And I continued posting to Bilerico.com. In the coming weeks, I’ll be reposting my articles from Bilerico as well as tid bits from SexIs. And I’ll be challenging myself to have something new up at least once a week, including cross posts for all my future bilerico posts as well as tid bits from any new sexis articles.

I consider myself really blessed to have such a strong queer family.  Recently, I got a chance to interview one of my moms about being a lesbian mom of a trans daughter for the public radio program Story Corps.  A 4 minute version aired locally, but you can listen to it or the entire 50 minute interview from my mom’s website.  If you’ve got the time, it’s quite interesting.

PFLAGers have long known that protective parents can be a powerful force advocating for their LGBT children.  My parents weren’t 100% on board from day one, and were initially concerned that my being trans would be seen as a failure of lesbian parenting.  But once they played through the usually negative reactions their experience fighting for LGB rights translated perfectly into their new work as trans advocates.  My mom who works at the local hospital has found herself in charge of crafting a new policy for the treatment of trans patients after she complained about the current treatment trans patients face.  My other mom, who is a writer wrote an article for the local paper giving her take on the backlash to the mixed race photo exhibit I took part in.

This is my vision of a what a queer family can look like.

This is a topic that has been vital to my understanding of the world over the past few years, but it’s still relatively unknown outside certain circles of activists. When I mention it as an area of my work, I almost invariably have to explain what it is. The short answer is that it is the intersection of transphobia and misogyny that specifically targets trans women. But that dry academic answer never communicates the visceral and intense experience that it is.

Here’s a limited list of examples of what transmisogyny looks like. Every example on this list has a story (or dozens of stories) behind it.

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A year ago, I was joining the cast of a personal theater show, Body Talk, which was designed to provide a similar opportunity for empowering women as the Vagina Monologues, but with the freedom to write our own pieces. Despite only knowing about a dozen trans women in my town, at our first cast meeting 4 out of the 12 women present were trans. Apparently I wasn’t the only one needing this outlet. We spent a couple months working together on individual and group pieces, and I recorded mine. For a while, I was afraid to share it online, because I discuss my work in the sex industry. Watching it now, I’m self conscious about my slip ups, or when I accidentally said “exploitation” instead of “exotification.” But as my activism around sex work has become more important, so has sharing this performance.

The ending and the script after the cut.

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Or did I get it backwards.

In an LGBT online support community I participate in a few participants were purposefully using the wrong pronouns for a trans person in the media who they did not like. When several people pointed out that that’s a very transphobic tactic and the discussion got heated the moderator stepped in – and told to stop throwing around “transphobic” because it is an ad hominem attack that only derails conversation.

It’s a tactic of shifting focus and blame in a lot of places. It’s the kind of logic that allows people to claim that calling someone racist is a “low blow” and off limits. Considering how often it is employed, this tactic deserves a little more attention.

The thinking behind this tactic relies on a world view where we are “past all that.” Whatever “ism” you’re looking at is no longer institutional, structural, or societal – if it ever was – and is only an issue of individual prejudices. From this supposedly even ground we are starting on, prejudices against minority and majority groups have equal weight.

A perfect example of this occurred in the comments section of a Bilerico reposting of an open letter addressing racist post-prop-8 behavior of white gay and lesbian activists. The letter writer, Alette Kendrick, complained about racist statements made at a post-prop-8 rally and all the white activists there who cheered for it. Instead of recognizing the power, pain, and impact that such a situation has on people of color in this movement, several commenters decided to focus on a statement that “dumb white people at large” could benefit from listening to this experience.

Several people suggested that calling white people dumb was the exact same (racist) thing that she was complaining about. That her acknowledgment of a widespread lack of awareness and understanding of racism in white populations was the equivalent of the rally speaker who ranted about the horrible African-American community and “all but outrightly called Black people ignorant and foolish.” Yet when we remove the central assumptions of this tactic, the argument falls apart.

First off, issues of racism are more than just prejudice. You don’t have to burn crosses or wear a white hood in order to be racist. Too often people who don’t want to deal with racism relegate it to the realm of the fantastic. It’s what those horrible people do, I’m not a horrible person, so it has nothing to do with me. Yet we all live in a racist society. We all hear racist messages our whole lives. We all internalize it to some degree. It’s impossible not to let it influence your behavior in at least minor ways. Claiming that most, if not all, white people are influenced by racism is not a baseless attack on white people, it’s not prejudicial generalization, it’s a fact supported by academia, sociology, not to mention the collective personal experiences of people of color.

Secondly, we’re not starting on equal ground here. It’s not just the prejudical statement that hurts, but the societal validation of that statement that gives it weight. Claiming that people of color are uneducated, that women are bitchy, that gays flaunt their sexuality, that trans folk are irrational and instable, that poor people steal, can have real impact on people’s lives. But no one will take you seriously if you say the reverse. Claiming that whites are uneducated won’t cost someone a job, claiming that men are bitchy won’t get someone’s perspective dismissed, claiming that straights flaunt their sexuality won’t get someone fired. Claiming that cis folk are irrational won’t get someone assaulted. Claiming that the rich steal won’t get cab drivers to refuse to go to wall street. That, incidentally, is why reverse discrimination doesn’t work.

It’s true that in liberal circles with a general anti-oppression value, labels like racist, homophobe, or transphobe, can tarnish your reputation. But it’s clear that this tactic is more about reputation than reality. Those who buy into this world view will get up in arms about an accusation of oppressive behavior and turn the focus of the discussion from the inappropriate behavior to the “inappropriate” accusations they face.

In the recent clamor around Julie Bindel, one of her main tactics was to refocus the issue around all the mean and angry trannies* who are unfairly calling her transphobic — as if calling her transphobic was a low blow as bad or worse than anything she had done. She might as well have been saying “I called you mutilated freaks and you called me transphobic, I suppose we’re even now.”

I’m sorry, but being called transphobic, sexist, homophobic, racist, etc may hurt but it’s nothing like the impact that sexist, homophobic, racist, transphobic, etc behavior can have. The discomfort of being called out for oppressive behavior does not make up for the pain that behavior caused. Being called out for an ism is not about revenge, punishment, or public shaming. The purpose of calling someone out is to interrupt and change the behavior, and in the best case scenarios, become an opportunity for educating others to be more careful and aware of their behavior. That’s where the discussion needs to be, and that’s what we need to be doing more of.

We could all improve the quality of our communication by learning better ally skills here. Everyone one of us has privilege in one area or another, and people who we could be better allies to. Being able to be called out gracefully, internalize the criticism you are getting, and learn from the experience without getting defensive is one of the best ally skills to learn. Because being called out might feel like being attacked, but in reality it’s a gift. When someone says something perpetuating the oppression about a community we belong too, we don’t have to say anything about it. Often getting involved in the drama around calling out oppression is itself laborious and frustrating. And usually, the more frustrating the experience, the less tact and civility people are willing to put into their attempts to call someone out.

When people are willing to tell you how you screwed up and what you should have done — especially when they do so in a calm and respectful manner, but even when they don’t — try to restrain the defensive knee-jerk reaction. Because they are spending effort that they don’t have to in the hope that you (or others around) might be able to listen, learn, and grow. The best thing you can do is just that.

* Considering that I wrote an article that goes into detail about the derogatory use of the word “tranny”, I feel I should comment on my use of it here. This is an example of the rare circumstances where I personally use the term — as a way to reference transphobic attitudes. You can read my article to see more about why I think it can be useful in this circumstance. Note that this is different from an attempt to reclaim the term.

Last night I gave this speech at Day of Remembrance, addressing the way trans identity, race, gender, immigration, sex work, and police brutality have all become major factors in anti-trans killings.

Every year we take this time to review the losses our community has faced.  And each year it feels like a slam in the gut.  In an attempt to make sense out of it all, we try to put the pieces together.  It seems so senseless, but part of why it is so prevalent is that to many people, trans people are the most sensible victims to choose. We are looking at the result of a society that treats certain people as disposable.

Don’t fool yourself, it’s not just trans people that we are talking about.  We’re talking about undocumented immigrants, the homeless, sex workers, people of color, women.  And this year as with every year, the trans people on this list are many if not most or all of the above.

The fact is, if you’re going to kill someone and want to get away with it, a trans woman of color doing sex work is your best bet.  I can only imagine that’s what Terron Oates was thinking two years ago the night he brought an illegally owned gun along with him to a strip club and cruised the streets known as an area to pick up trans sex workers. 

He later claimed that he didn’t know that Alexis King was trans, that she grabbed his hand and placed it on her genitals, and that in a panic, he shot her.  Despite the facts in disagreement – she was shot from behind, not the front, and paramedics testified that her genitals were firmly tucked away – this year he was convicted only of voluntary manslaughter.

It’s a common enough story.  When Angie Zapata was killed this year, her killer Allen Ray Andrade claimed that she never told him that she was trans when they met on a date.  According to his story, when he became suspicious of her body, he grabbed her crotch – an action generally considered sexual assault when the woman isn’t trans – then went into a rage.  He later told his girlfriend that “gay things had to die,” and that he “killed it.”  However, we later found out from Angie’s sisters that she was very careful to always disclose her trans status to dates.  It seems Andrade’s story is a lie.

All of us need to learn – and truly internalize – that the reason we hear so many cases like this is not because trans women are such bad judges of character, nor is it that calm and reasonable people generally respond to someone’s disclosure of trans status with murderous rage.  We hear these stories so often for one simple reason, because these killers are very aware that telling stories like these are likely to significantly reduce their sentences.

Whenever people don’t understand a crime, there is a tendency to simply call it horrid and set it aside.  It’s unthinkable, so don’t think about it.  But we’d be doing a disservice to the dead if we simply cast aside the monsters and ignored the circumstances that allowed them to act.

Earlier this summer, Duanna Johnson was beaten by the police while in custody.  One officer James Swain held her down while officer Bridges McRae maced her then beat her with handcuffs wrapped around his fist.  Other jail employees witnessed the event but did nothing to intervene.  It sent a clear message.  She’s black, trans, probably arrested for suspicion of sex work, and all that put together meant that she was obviously disposable.

When she complained, at first the police force refused to do anything about it.  It was only when video footage of the beating was leaked to the internet that they took action and fired the two officers.  And it was only yesterday, months after the fact, that charges were filed. 

Duanna filed a lawsuit against the city, and with the surveillance video footage, she had a good case.  That is, until she was killed, execution style, by three unknown people.  Just 11 days ago.  She was the third black trans woman killed in Memphis in as many years.

The police have claimed that they have no suspects and no motive, but I think the reality is that they have no interest in solving the case.  They didn’t respond to the assault until the video was made public.  They didn’t arrest McRae until after she was killed.  What reason should we have that they will act now?  Considering that Duanna Johnson’s death just saved the Memphis Police Department $1.3 million dollars, it’s not too hard to see how they might have a conflict of interests.

It’s no wonder that the police aren’t exactly trusted by the trans community.  We shouldn’t forget Aimee Wilcoxson who isn’t on this list but died last Thursday.  Her friends, including the person who found her, have reason to believe it was murder.  However, the police are insisting that it was a suicide with a flimsy story that contradicts evidence her friends have collected.

I could go on and on.  There are dozens of stories here –  where police have excused these murderers, where police have refused to investigate these crimes, and where the trans community suspects the police were involved in committing the murders themselves.  In fact, law enforcement agents themselves make up one of the largest sources of anti-trans harassment and violence. Consider the case of Elly Susanna who, while doing outreach to promote the Day of Remembrance last year, was arrested by Indonesian police who then gang-raped her and drowned her.  Or Ali and two others, who earlier this year were arrested, humiliated, and executed by US-backed Iraqi police just for being trans.  And if you think that’s just something that happens elsewhere, Amnesty International put together a report about all the human rights abuses of trans people by U.S. law enforcement agents.

Unfortunately, the attention the issue of violence against trans people gets is minimal.  Even in LGBT organizations, trans issues are consistently overshadowed by “more important” issues. 

When our organizations do address anti-trans violence, the only action offered is the passage of hate crimes legislation.  However, hate crimes sentencing enhancements only gives more power to a system we already know has anti-trans and racist leanings.

Sentencing enhancements won’t get police to investigate crimes they don’t take seriously to begin with.  They won’t stop police from harassing trans women on the street because they assume all trans women are sex workers.  They won’t have any effect against police officers who believe they won’t be held accountable.  They won’t sway the minds of jurors who think “I killed her because she was trans” is an adequate excuse. 

Sentencing enhancements will allow them to dole out harsher punishments against the people who they think are more deserving.  And we already know that the legal system sees people of color, women, sex workers, immigrants, and the homeless as more deserving of punishment.  Because, of course, they are the disposable people.

There are other options out there that could be a lot more effective, like San Francisco’s Proposition K.  Prop K would have decriminalized prostitution, prohibiting local authorities from investigating, arresting, or prosecuting anyone solely for selling sex. For a population that traditionally has been unable to go to police for help, passage would make it easier to report violence without fear of arrest and increase safety for sex workers.  Not to mention that it would put an end to police profiling and harassment of trans women as possible sex workers.

Despite his status as a hero among gays and lesbians due to his stance on marriage, San Francisco Mayor Gavin Newsom spent the last week before the election holding a press conference not to campaign against the marriage ban, but to campaign against this proposition for sex workers safety.  We shouldn’t forget that he also opposed a homeless shelter for queer and trans youth on the basis that it might reduce property values.  Apparently he’s supportive of queer rights as long as we’re talking about queer people who are white, cisgender, middleclass.  Remember, it’s only after the disposable people have been disposed of and the city is “cleaned up” that property values rise.

Tonight is about remembering the pain of those we’ve lost, but it’s also about taking action.  Call the DA, Police Director, and Sheriff in Memphis and demand justice for Duanna Johnson.  Support organizations like the Sex Worker Outreach Project (SWOP).  Refuse to support the Human Rights Campaign until they stop advocating for a trans exclusive Employment Non-Discrimination Act.  Demand that your LGBT organizations begin prioritizing issues that matter to the trans community.  Together we can make a difference.  But change won’t begin until we stop fighting for our own rights and start fighting for everyone’s.  We must be clear that no one is expendable and we will not leave behind or forget the members of our community who would otherwise be considered disposable.

For information about how to advocate for Duanna Johnson’s case, follow this link.

If you appreciated this analysis and want to see a more in depth version, my DOR speech from 2007 was about three times longer and was able to do a better job flushing out the connections between these different identity issues.